There are days where you think everything will be fine. You will make it somehow. Everything will work out. But then there are days where you feel quite the opposite. When you are unsure how you will make ends meet. Today was one of those days.
On my way home tonight I was calculating how much I might be making on a weekly basis after taxes have been deducted. To my surprise, I realised it was as much as my husband makes in Ireland. But his expenses are low and he is able to pay for rent with half his weekly wages. I, on the other hand, cannot even cover rent on an entire month's wages. How would we make it here, I wondered.
But somehow we have to figure out how to make things work here in the States as I am unfortunately not able to move to Ireland with my children. If we could move there to be with my husband then we would not have to worry about such money issues. We would be able to live in a house and still have money left over to save. And we would be able to travel. To show the children the world. But that is not our reality.
It is this reality which was the cause of today's mood. Of it being one of 'those' days where you question everything and have answers for nothing. I would gladly move to Ireland where my husband now lives. But I will not do so without my children. And it is precisely this reason that my husband has decided to move here. To be with me. To be with us. A great sacrifice for him.
There are days when you think everything is hopeless. You do not know how you will make it. Nothing will work out. But then there are those days when you reflect on what and who you have and realise you already have enough to make things work. Those are the days you realise you have exactly as much as you need.