popcorn and movie

It seems this year has been filled with many disappointments. Today was no exception. It started shortly before my three children arrived to spend the next four and a half days with me as I talked with my husband. It ended with my oldest child leaving my home as she wished not to stay in a place where nothing was set up yet.

I was fed up with everything at this point. Nothing is going according to plan. Everything I had hoped for in the new year has now changed. In two weeks I would have seen my husband again. But things have changed and that is now no longer the case.

The entire reason for my getting a basic job was to bring him here. I did everything on my part to ensure I could have him here. With my starting the job it meant my putting off the setting up of the apartment as I would be too tired after coming home late to work on it. This resulted in my not having the children's room or any room fully ready for their arrival.

When my oldest child realised there was nothing to do, she started to complain. She was being a real spoiled brat and I texted her father to come get her. I also told him she was spoiled and a brat. Yes, I said that because at his place she has it all. Her own large room with a sofa and a play area and a desk with a chair. At my place she has a place to sleep and food to eat. Apparently that is not enough.

I told the younger two they could leave as well. I no longer felt good enough for anybody. But my middle daughter and her younger brother wished to stay. They would find a way to make things work amidst this mess. I set up the remaining two mattresses on the floor in the living room, put on two Christmas movies for us to watch, and made popcorn for us to eat. They were happy.

But I was still not happy about my current situation. With decisions made which now need to be changed. With promises broken. Not once but many times. This time with more severe consequences. I have done everything and given everything to make things work but find I no longer can do this by myself. The trust I had in a better year has vanished.

When trust is broken we need time to heal and to try to come up with another solution. It might seem impossible at first but anything worthwhile is worth the effort. My disappointments were great today but this year was filled with many more disappointments which somehow worked out in the end. I can only hope next year is better than this past one.