A NECESSARY SLOWDOWN

cinnamon 85mm

I checked the time on my iPhone. 11,14h it showed. I had been sleeping over three hours after having taken the children to the bus stop this morning. I realised half of my day was gone due to my prolonged nap but decided it was my body's way of saying I needed to catch up on the sleep which has been lacking as of late. Sleep is not something which comes easily after I have already started my day but today was different. It was necessary to slow down, especially after yesterday's frustrations.

After I awoke, I responded to a text from my boyfriend, and made my lunch. My healthy lunch consisted of sliced shallots sautéed in butter to which was added two handfuls of spinach. I fried an egg and heated up the leftover meatless loaf. Meanwhile, I chopped a bell pepper, sliced seven baby tomatoes in half and topped them with feta, sliced some Gouda, and toasted two slices of seeded bread.

For breakfast, I joined the children this morning as they ate cereal. Special K cereal with whole milk and cream. They were glad I was able to take the time to sit down with them as usually I am busy making their lunch whilst they eat. Advance preparation the night before will allow me to sit down with them more often but the routine we are still getting used to. The routine of being a single mother to three small children who stay with me every other week with one of the children still in Berlin finishing a semester abroad.

sage with lego bricks

In time, things will come to a 'normal' state. 'Normal' as in more stable, but different from anything experienced thus far. Saffron will return from Germany in two weeks and will get to stay with me for a day before I leave for Ireland for the greater part of February. She will finally be joined with her siblings and experience a new life in a divided home but joined with another family and future stepbrothers. Change is ever present and necessary for growth, but something we tend to resist.

The anticipation of getting to spend time with my boyfriend is growing as is the lack of sleep as a result of this anticipation. We do not have the weekends to spend together as most couples who are dating. Nor can we simply get in the car and drive to each other's homes as our homes require crossing an ocean. February is what we have to look forward to for now and is a time we will make the most of as we know how precious and limited is our time together.

The children were greeted with a 'surprise' snack after their return from school this afternoon. Hazelnut napolitanke and gingersnap cookies with milk. They took turns dipping the cookies into my Turkish coffee and were thankful for the sweet surprise. Sometimes we need to step away from the chores and sit down with our children for breakfast or an afternoon snack as a clean kitchen is not something of a priority to them as is time spent with them.

sage waits to read

This year will bring about more change as my boyfriend and I make plans for his move to the States. If circumstances were different, I would be the one making the move with the children as I have always had a desire to live in Europe. For now, we need to be close to my children and their father in our current co-parenting situation. With time, everything which needs to happen will come about. Patience is not always our friend but rushing something is never a good idea. Slowing down will inevitably lead us to a more conscious decision and is necessary for seeing the greater picture of the future.