JULY REFLECTIONS

summer sunset july

The children were excited about their field trip to the bowling alley today. Since they had never gone before, I was worried they might not like it. Sage started talking about the 68 points he got and how he did not win. I let him know it was not about winning rather about having fun. He understood and asked if we could go bowling soon.

Still wearing their summer camp field trip t-shirts, the three were playing basketball when I arrived. I watched as they tossed the ball upwards towards the basket and dribbled the ball. They seemed to be having fun at camp this year, more so than last summer which made me happy.

Cinnamon was excited to have reached the top of the rock wall. I was surprised to learn that Sage also climbed the rock wall and liked it as well. Having been skeptical about sending them to camp this week, I am glad I did but also wished I had done so last week as well if nothing but to get them out of this house.

I also had to get out of this house at one point today. Lack of good sleep led me to take a nap before noon and I awoke an hour and a half later. I drove to babyGap where I purchased shorts and a shirt for all three and a dress for each of the girls for their first day of school. They were excited and thankful for the clothes they saw lying on their beds as they ran upstairs to their rooms after camp tonight.

Dinner was macaroni and cheese from Trader Joes. The last time I made them this meal was when I was still living at their father's house as I abstain from purchasing packaged foods and make meals from scratch instead. They enjoyed it and the chocolate afterwards.

Today was a bit of a down day as I reflected on the past six months and how I am no further where I want to be now than I was at the beginning of this year. In those six months, I packed up and moved once again to a place I despise and had my first job after over eight years of being a stay-at-home mom where I earned enough money to fund my summer trip to Ireland.

At this point, I feel I am at a standstill with everything. Due to spite and revenge, I am stuck living somewhere I wish not to live and feel as if I cannot move forward with my life. Once again, I am trapped and have no solution to this dilemma.

Patience is needed, I know, as is a positive attitude but those things only go so far when progress seems slow to non-existent.

For now, all I can do is move forward the best I can. Time away from this place will give me a different perspective as I cherish the simplicity of life amongst friends in Ireland.