GRAVITY AND ELMER'S GLUE

Clink!

‘What was that?’, I ask my son in the next room, as I turned around to see where that noise was coming from.

I was outside. Sitting and reading on our patio, which overlooks a small part of the’ $60 extra per month’ patch of ‘we don’t feel like watering it’ grass.

The noise. It was coming from the kitchen. The final square piece of leftover countertop holding the sink up had finally released itself from the grips of the clinging glue on the above countertop.

The issue started on Saturday. In the afternoon. I’d sent an email to the leasing office, letting them know the sink was falling. The left side. They stated they were sending out the ‘emergency’ maintenance guy.

‘I’ve never seen anything like this’, he finished his assessment of the kitchen sink, which was ripping away from underneath the countertop.

‘Usually, the sink is installed from top, but this…’, he continued, shaking his head.

He went back outside to the maintenance shed for something. The property had nothing that he needed, so he fashioned a makeshift solution using two wood pieces which he used to prop up the left side. That would do until the maintenance people came out on Monday.

Then the emails began, after my update yesterday. On Sunday morning. When I stated:  ‘An update… the other half of the sink has also fallen. Even worse than the other side.’

I only heard back from them this morning.

‘I am so sorry to hear this! Our team wants to assist you as soon as possible’, the email begins. The start of what some people call a ‘shit sandwich’.

‘In order for us to expedite this process, we will need a maintenance request submitted…’ she continued trying to appear as if she was helpful.

Then she continued by saying that they needed to use the original vendors, as the building is ‘still under warranty’ and that was the requirement.

‘From our understanding, a temporary fix was out in place on Saturday. Could you clarify if there was a specific event that caused the second part of the sink to fall in?’, I stared in disbelief and continued on to read the end of the ‘shit sandwich’ where she wrote: ‘Thank you so much for your responsiveness and coorperation! Our team looks forward to resolving this as quick as possible for you.’ Yeah, right, I thought.

‘Uh, yeah. Gravity and Elmer’s glue’, I wanted to reply. Instead, I wrote ‘Really? Because of the shitty construction, the other half of the sink fell.’

In our four months of living in these brand new ‘luxury’ apartments, we have had constant issues. The very first one involving us being unable to move in until almost a week of agreeing to a move-in date due to their not being able to schedule the apartment to be cleaned from construction. It was still a new apartment. One with no previous tenants.

The second instance of issues, was also in our first two weeks here. When they had a fire inspection. I challenged their need to enter our place. A place of our own we’ve been waiting for months to have, after the move up north. They agreed they would not enter our place. On that same day, when my son came home from school, he had forgotten the extra apartment key and went to the leasing office to ask to be let in.

They asked for his ID. They couldn’t verify he lived here, even though they’d seen us when we signed the lease. He told them he didn’t have any. Then the funny part, where I envisioned a palm smacking her forehead. Where she told my son to have me come home and show her my ID. Was she really that stupid? Did she not realise that if I came home, I would have the key to our apartment, thus being able to let my son in?

Anyway, after all of that, they ‘forgot’ to cross my name off the list for the inspection and entered our apartment anyway. After seeing my son sitting on our private patio, they ended up letting him in. Without the need for any ID. Her memory must have been restored.

I was confused and upset. They specifically stated they would not enter, and here they were entering our new place. With shoes. In a newly cleaned place. I expressed my dissatisfaction in an email. A few emails later, I was told I would be getting $150 off next month’s rent for that mishap.

But…back to today.

The emails continued. As did the disbelief of their cluelessness of the situation.

The leasing lady, the one with the Loudermilk ‘coffee shop lady’ voice, included in her email response a portion of the lease which stated “Owner does not guarantee that the repair, renovation, improvement, or construction will be completed on a set date or time and therefore, is not under any obligation to have said repair, renovation, or improvement, or construction, completed by a set date or time.”

Ooh. Challenge accepted, I thought. Games can be fun.

I looked up that provision via Google’s AI help and found a section on ‘inhabitability’.

Her response was: ‘In the meantime, we understand that being unable to use your kitchen sink may be inconvenient while the repair is being completed. As a temporary alternative, you may use paper plates and plastic utensils to minimize the need to use the affected sink.’

Oh, really? One, it is more than inconvenient, as we actually use the kitchen on a daily basis. The layout of this place suggests it was constructed for people who didn’t bother with cooking or a kitchen. And two, no repairs have even been started. Propping up the sink with a stick does not constitute a repair. It’s a Band-Aid on their incompetence.

‘This is highly inconsiderate on your part. Do you suggest we also use paper pots and pans for cooking? How do you suggest we wash the pots and pans? Or should I simply wash them in the slanted sink that is about to fall and then we will have further issues? Do you even understand the situation? Or are you going to continue using stupid corporate speak to alleviate your responsibilities?’, my patience for her stupidity had expired.

Earlier, she had thanked me for being honest. ‘Thank you for your transparency and honesty’, she wrote. And then continued with the scripted email about understanding the situation, thanking me for my patience, and assuring me that they are working as quickly as possible on my ‘frustrating’ situation.

The amount of times I’d seen the words ‘we understand’, ‘thank you for your patience’, and ‘we are doing everything’ was too much. I stopped responding and then continued with our evening.

No, nobody from maintenance ever showed up today. Not a surprise.