'What do I need to do to get you to listen to me?' I asked Saffron.
'Yell at us' she declared.
Unfortunately, neither yelling nor pleading worked in getting the three children to behave today or any other day. But today was more frustrating than previous days and left me with a throbbing headache as night arrived which is saying a lot since I am not prone to headaches.
In reality, it is not the children's fault so much as the fault of the parents. What the children grow up exposed to is all they know. My children started life seeing their parents speak with raised voices and never seeing them show affection. I wonder then how they are expected to grow up knowing how to behave and how to have healthy relationships if all they had seen was an example of an abnormal relationship where love was virtually nonexistent.
Children model themselves after their caretakers. Had things been more peaceful at home, I am sure their behaviour would reflect peacefulness instead of unruliness. Oftentimes I wish I would have left earlier but then I realise things had to happen this way at this time in order for me to meet my boyfriend when I did, albeit at a turbulent time in my life.
Today was a trying day indeed. I took the children to the downtown Whole Foods where we had breakfast tacos which are the children's favourite. Cilantro-lime rice with whole black beans and shredded cheddar cheese is what they ordered. We sat upstairs since it was cold outside so early in the morning.
After breakfast, I piled the three in a shopping cart and had them eat a piece of fruit whilst we gathered a few items for the week. Bread, milk, and cheese were the items we needed but at various points during the trip around the store one or another child had to demand something we did not need. For Saffron it was a stuffed animal, specifically a horse. I did not get it for her this time but it did not stop her from asking for it a million times.
In addition to the demanding of items, there was the general fighting amongst the three in the cart as I stood in front of the bakery section waiting for the fresh bread to be sliced. No matter what I said, they would not stop bickering. I ignored them, I scolded them, I threatened to take something away. Nothing worked. We finished our shopping and left.
Once home, the children looked for something to do. Sage and Saffron played under the stairs, building a nice sleeping area for themselves, whilst Cinnamon walked around complaining of being bored and crying when I had no acceptable solution for her.
Sometime later, Sage took apart the structure he built out of Jenga the last time he was here and built it into something new. 'A hostable', he exclaimed as he showed me his structure of a hospital complete with a cross on top of the building. Somehow, he was able to find things to do to occupy his time. Cinnamon, on the other hand, did not.
The current situation with the children living in two homes adds to the difficulties they are experiencing. It is not easy to be uprooted from one home at the end of the week in order to spend the following week at another home. Confusion ensues and they are thrown off balance. In time, I wish for a better life for us all. A life where there is more loving, no yelling, and an overall peacefulness.