THAT GUT FEELING

There’s something about that awareness one gets when you sense a wrong. An impending perception that something is turning for the worse. A feeling that catches you off guard when you’re finally confronted with it. Such was that gut feeling today.

I was told I would be getting a replacement laptop. Not a new one, as everyone else in the company had received in the past few months. But the old one from the CFO. My boss assured me it was still a good laptop. So, I spent the past few days preparing my old laptop by copying over my open tabs to my USB stick. I haven’t had a laptop of my own for years, which is why all of my files have been stored on a SanDisk USB stick. Then, I deleted files no longer needed in order for a quicker transfer to the ‘new’ laptop.

‘Do you have a backup drive at home for your laptop?’, my boss asked me last Friday.

‘I do not’, I replied. Then she let me know that she will be in Austin today with the CTO and the IT guy.

‘I’ll see you around 1pm’, she continued.

That struck me as odd to be so specific about the time. I remember telling my son a while ago that they might fire me. He assured me they would not.

When I arrived today, the ‘higher ups’ were out to lunch. The customer service guy walked into the office I shared with the other accounting person and let me know that the Internet was down, but that the IT guy was working on it. I saw an expense report on my desk from the CTO and decided to start on that in the meantime. I also went downstairs to get the mail, and then I saw them all returning from lunch.

My boss did not seem as cheerful towards me as before. In fact, she hadn’t been for a while when she used to text me smiley emojis and invite me to come to her ranch with my son. She lives three hours away and comes to Austin about twice a year. When she walked into the office with her large German Shepherd, she told me to bring the laptop into the CFO’s office at precisely 1pm. Again, that struck me as odd and I immediately texted my son about the strangeness of the request.

That gut feeling was confirmed when I saw the COBRA papers lying on the table. My boss quickly turned them over, as if that would make the situation better and not seem any bit more suspicious. Then she started.

‘ePAK is restructuring the Accounting department and is eliminating your position. Effective immediately.’, she stated. It was a cold delivery of words. The Accounting department consisted of only three people. Now there would be two. She continued talking, saying that ‘…it has nothing to do with your job performance.’ I stared directly at them both and said nothing. They stared back and expected that I…what? Start a scene? Cry and beg to not be let go? Yell that it’s unfair, though it really was. She asked if I wanted the COBRA coverage. At their cost. I could not think about insurance at this particular point in time as I was wondering how I would pay rent and all of the bills I have. And have money for this upcoming trip with my children.

I walked out and into the next office that I no longer would share with the co-worker who has been there for over 20 years. Since she was fifteen. Then I emptied the laptop bag, with the various papers and pens and an old box of cookies I bought the only time I used the laptop bag when I went on my very first ‘working’ vacation to see my mom with my three children back in 2022, and I walked out.

It was shit! I was so beyond angry. Angry at myself for not seeing this sooner. Though it was strange a few weeks ago that my co-worker asked for the spreadsheet of emails where I sent the customers’ invoices far before she needed it to cover my upcoming vacation. I was angry that I worked through most all of my vacation days these past almost four years of working for them. And angrier still that my boss told me I had no vacation days left that they would pay out. No vacation days?!

‘Send me what you THINK you are owed and I’ll compare it’, she texted back. I hadn’t thought about the vacation days they owed me until I returned home and then texted her about it.

According to my calculations, I had used only about half of the days accrued. She said she would talk to the CFO about it and get back to me.

For all of those weeks of covering for my co-worker through various maternity leaves and sick days and deaths and vacations, I got two weeks’ severance. That’s it. That would hardly cover a month of expenses. I immediately called the company who had initially placed me with ePAK and informed them of my situation.

A short while later, I received the text from my former boss telling me that the CFO agreed to pay for all of my vacation since I worked there. I thanked her.

‘I’m hoping this is in addition to the severance pay’, I added. No response.