saffron march 6

Familiarity is more comfortable than change. Change makes us uneasy and thus more reluctant to take the next step toward it. We get used to things being a certain way though we know they are not perfect. Life moves forward, never backwards. Challenges and obstacles are forever standing in our way giving us something to think about next. Such was the case today as I handed my application for the next house to rent.

Having moved as much as I did - close to 50 times in my life since birth - I long for the time when I will have a more permanent home. A home where I can once again feel free to paint and set up as I please, without the restrictions of a rental lease. My son wants me to paint his room grey, my daughters most likely would prefer pink or purple or aqua. At this next place, we will not be able to do so, but we all need to be patient for a little while longer.

One more year of renting, perhaps. One more year of working towards a new chapter in our lives. Things appear to be happening at a snail's pace but only because I am in the midst of the events unfolding before me. If I stand back and observe all which has happened in the past year, I can see how much change has occurred thus far. A year ago I was separated and filing for divorce.

Stress was at an all-time high this time last year and I could see no end in sight to the events at the time. I had to find a new place to live since I was told I would not get the house in the settlement. Most of the physical possessions I lost, but those are ones which matter less when weighed against what I gained by leaving. There is no avoiding the little everyday stresses of life, but I am grateful to no longer have to deal with the ones I did in the past several years.

Today I handed over my rental application for the house near the children's school. The owner was late meeting me but called me to inform me he was on his way. Traveling north from South Austin on a Friday afternoon, one is bound to be delayed due to traffic. We agreed to meet before another couple was to show up for their 6pm meeting to view the house. They really want it due to the proximity of the school.

An awkward moment ensued as Saffron and I waited in the minivan parked in the driveway. The other couple showed up early and got out of their minivan. Perhaps they thought I was the owner who was to show them the house. I buried my head in my iPhone so as to avoid eye contact with the two people walking towards the door of the house. I called the owner and informed him of their arrival. We agreed to meet around the corner.

The waiting game is next. Should we get the house, it will not be our permanent home. Then again, we have to wonder how much in life is permanent. Change is on the horizon. It is an improvement over the current situation which makes it a good change. A new chapter is waiting to be written with many more to be added to this book of life - a life I look forward to sharing with my children and my boyfriend.