The reddish orange light grew more intense as the morning unfolded. I was glad to have the morning sun outside my bedroom window and could not pass up the opportunity to capture the scene with my camera. Nature can have a calming effect at times. This morning its beauty was magnificent.
This calm was much needed after a tumultuous past three days. A misunderstanding. A loved one trying to protect me by pushing me away. It was only after my post last night that he reached out to me. I told him I did not need protecting. We would figure things out somehow.
Reassurance. Love. Acceptance. Someone to listen to us. These are the needs we have as living beings. We feel safe when we feel loved and know that we are being heard. At times our own agenda stands in the way of these needs. We shut people out and force upon them our views. Such was the explanation my older daughter revealed this evening when I went to Sage's soccer practice.
Her father asked her which school she would like to attend next year as he bought a house in another school district for which he needs my approval. My daughter answered that she would like to finish her last year at this current school. Since this was not in line with his desires, he told her it would be too far to drive. The schools are 7.8 miles apart. She then wondered why he bothered to ask her in the first place.
My middle daughter expressed the same sentiment. One more year at the current school before making the change. I thought this was fair but I was then told by their father that I was selfish as I was making our children and his wife's children attend separate schools which would make it inconvenient for them. I told them this is what the children want.
They disagreed and he continued to accuse me of preventing our three children from forming bonds with 'smart children' in their now new wealthy community. He also stated the school district he moved to was 'exemplary' to the one they now attend and even presented printouts of papers stating such facts.
I refused to give my approval and instead proposed to let the children finish one more year at the old school. I also let him know there was no need to move. It was merely a matter of wanting more than they had. More than they truly needed. He disagreed and kept saying this was for the sake of the children. I could see right through his argument especially when I mentioned the houses in the area start at half a million dollars.
An hour later his wife returned to pick him up. She joined in the conversation but only briefly as I walked out after her comment. I explained my proposal of letting the children attend the old school for one more year. She argued how unfair that was to the children and how they need to move now so they could start forming new bonds.
The discussion then led to what would happen after a year. I would have to move into another rental but 'at least we would have a house' she said. My renting meant to them a lack of stability. Moving for me is a mere 'hassle' according to the children's father. I told him it was unfair to think they could bully me into whatever they wished simply because they have more money.
After an hour of having to listen to why they need to move, I walked out and told him we would have to meet with a judge as we were unable to agree. I refused to go along with their wishes. I was merely listening to my children's desires. Their need to be heard means something to me. They have to believe their thoughts and opinions matter.
Forcing your wants on others will foster an unhealthy environment filled with hostility and resentment. We convince ourselves our desires are necessities and we will do whatever it takes to get to the other side. Along the way we end up hurting people as we push them out of the way and make them feel inferior as we bully them into accepting our wants. At the point when we lose sight of what it is we truly need to survive, we cross the border from need to greed. Sometimes we are able to catch ourselves before things get too far. But not always as the thirst for more will be there waiting to be satisfied.